The Canon’s stories have been rated and ranked
by Conan Doyle, Sherlockians and the rest.
In Watson’s retelling of the adventures
This one’s definitely not close to the best.
A half chapter of Thucydides copied. Oh my!! (Big deal)
There’s no murder, no blackmail or ransom to pay.
No vampire, snake bite or secret society.
No one’s kidnapped or poisoned. There’s no foul play.
No Irene’s or Violets. No ladies at all.
No client climbs the seventeen steps at Baker Street.
No hasty rides on trains or traps or hansom cabs.
The weather’s fine. Not even a threat of fog or sleet.
No hiding in the dark or amputated thumbs.
No ladies found in coffins to heighten the suspense.
No secret papers stolen or wrongs to avenge.
There’s not a single shooting done in self-defense!
Let’s peruse the story a little more closely.
Somebody has eyeballed the tutor Soames’ test.
Holmes’ plan to study early English Charters
Was cut short so he could attempt what he does best.
The three suspects were living on the floors above
However, we barely heard any of them speak.
There’s no interaction. Few details about them.
Admit it, their character development’s weak.
There’s the Indian; “inscrutable and quiet.”
There’s rude Miles McLaren who won’t open his door,
A guy named Gilchrist who doesn’t have a first name!
Why couldn’t we have learned just a little bit more?
But the biggest flaw in Watson’s writing
Is the question of why Holmes got involved?
If he’d remained back at the library.
This is a case that would still have been solved.
While Holmes spied a pencil and sawdust from a shoe
The butler correctly identified the cheat,
The thief confessed and packed his bags to Rhodesia,
Way before Holmes’ investigation was complete.
I thank all of you for listening patiently
Hopefully you’re convinced and I think you’ll agree
Watson’s other stories are all so much better.
Any way you read it, this one’s all Greek to me
No comments:
Post a Comment