By Rich Krisciunas ©
Delivered to Parallel Case of St. Louis, July 11, 2020
If you had to rank the scoundrels in the Canon
And could choose among men both dead or alive.
Of those who fit the bill as worst in London,
Jonas Oldacre would be in the top five.
Wicked men like Professor Moriarty,
Charles A. Milverton and Colonel Moran.
They were all evil and matched wits with Holmes but
None were more dangerous than this Oldacre man.
He appeared in the case of “The Norwood Builder”
Where a handsome young lawyer was falsely accused
Of drafting a will where he’d get all the money
And ended up in gaol and was hardly amused.
It’s been three years since Moriarty had his “fall.”
Crime’s down in London. Sherlock’s life has been a bore.
As our story begins, Holmes has finished breakfast,
His peace is shattered by a beating at his door.
In rushes McFarlane, he’s pale and out of breath,
Wild-eyed and frantic. Holmes suggests a cigarette
And deduces he’s an asthmatic solicitor
Without help from Siri or the Internet.
Holmes seems gratified that a murder is alleged
And his new client will soon be arrested.
What better way to start the day; with a new case
And his unique, deductive skills being tested.
In the Telegraph, Holmes read news from Scotland Yard.
The victim was murdered and then set afire.
The suspect was linked by his cane at the scene.
The police are seeking John McFarlane, Esquire.
McFarlane, of course, protested his innocence;
Said he’d first met the victim and drafted his will.
Was shocked to be the sole beneficiary.
Adamantly claimed he had no motive to kill.
Lestrade said guilt “was definitely established.
If Oldacre’s dead, MacFarlane gets his estate.
Blood’s on his stick. He’s the last to see him alive.
An open and shut case. There’s no room for debate!”
When Lestrade took John Hector into custody,
Holmes criticized his lack of imagination.
Many more things needed to be examined so
Holmes chose to start his own investigation.
Holmes learned that Jonas had a thing for John’s mom
That ended when another guy she married.
Oldacre became an eccentric bachelor
And broken-hearted memories he’d carried.
Holmes returned to Norwood and closely spied the scene;
Crawled the lawn, scoured papers, searching for a clue.
But when he found checks written to an unknown man
named Cornelius; the Master’s suspicions grew.
McFarlane’s bloody thumbprint turned up on a wall
And things began to look like all hope was lost.
But, as Lestrade started writing his final report,
Holmes asked if his “i’s” were dotted and his “t’s crossed.
“There’s one more witness to question,” suggested Holmes,
“Til the Norwood case could be solved and completed.”
Two bundles of straw and some matches from Watson
Were needed to expose the culprit who cheated.
When the smoke spread and constables shouted “Fire!”
A hidden door opened and a man ran about.
Oldacre was smiling, everyone was surprised.
The missing man wasn’t dead, there was no doubt.
His ultimate goal was to fake his own death
And frame the son of the woman who spurned him.
He schemed to set fire to some bones and his clothes;
Make it appear as if McFarlane burned him.
Then he’d disappear; take the name of another,
With McFarlane convicted and hanged by the neck.
But Holmes was the wiser, McFarlane was saved
And Jonas Oldacre’s vile plan had been wrecked.
That’s it for my in-depth analysis and
I’ll return the book to its place on my shelf,
Remembering this story as, where Oldacre
Tried to make a complete ash of himself. (1)
(1) A tip of the deerstalker to the late Dr. Phillip Franklin Wagley, M.D., “One must conclude that, although Sherlock Holmes could ‘see deeply into the manifold wickedness of the human heart,’ he did not realise how difficult it is for a man to make a complete ash of himself.” “A Lingering Mystery About the Norwood Affair,” 22 BSJ 166 (1972).
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